Singing spinning Samsung

Washing machines that sing? Mannequins with a chalk pump? Well I never!
Washing machines that sing? Mannequins with a chalk pump? Well I never!

How much of a grudge purchase is a washing machine? Seriously, you can’t eat it, wear it or travel to exotic places in it, which are my three main criteria for spending money on anything. But washing machines? They’re great at what they do, when they do it, but when they stop what must be the simplest of tasks, they become scrap metal with no value, you’ve even to pay to  get rid of the damned things.

I have to say I was glad to see the back of the Zanussi, it had been rubbish from the start, including a fraught time at Comet, where very bad customer service caused me to unleash a tirade of very stern looks and curses. All I can say is, where’s Comet now, eh? That’ll learn ya!

So when the Zanussi decided to stop spinning and keep all the water with the washing, that was it. Money would have to be spent, oh I hate that, unless , as previously said, it’s for food, clothes or holidays.  Have you seen the infinite choice of machines? They do pre-wash, wash, post-wash, decide if there’s too much dirty washing in its drum, if so, chucks some out, checks the water for softness, offers random short and long programmes, then does the hokey kokey and turns around, that is what it’s all about.

I was all for going into a shop and pointing at one, saying, ‘that one, I’ll have that one’, but that’s what got us into trouble last time. So Noel took time out of his programming and cat-stroking schedule to carry out serious research. He narrowed it down to two choices, one cheap and cheerful machine which was so bog standard, it didn’t have a name and the second, more expensive, but intriguing machine made by Samsung. This little baby, it turns out, connects to our Samsung phones, which can carry our diagnostics, in case of problems. That definitely appealed as I assumed that if the phone broke down, I could use the washing machine to make calls.

And our Samsung does more than that. It sings. Turn it on and it goes bingedy bongedy plink plink, then bips a bit before it gets going. Should any change in wash programme be required, there’s more tinkle tinkles, then it’s off, doing its washing thing. And when it finishes? Well, it has to be heard to be believed, I’m not sure what the South Korean national anthem goes like, but I think the washing machine plays it every time it’s done. It’s rather charming, but not knowing whether it is the national anthem or not, Noel and I take no chances and stand to attention, we wouldn’t want to offend, And who’s to say there isn’t a camera in there, eh? And a television? And all the other clever things Samsung does!

In the meantime, Noel’s trying to decipher the instruction manual to see how to turn the sound off. Though presumably if he does manage that, we won’t be able to make any calls from it.



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