Oh those clever marketeers, they know how to prise those pennies from my purse. Never mind all those Facebook adverts from the Birds of a Feather duo inviting me to share their secrets of shedding those excess pounds – err, how about eating less and exercising more girls, it’s not really a secret, is it?
No, when I was looking for a new sewing machine, yes you heard me right, sewing, well there has to be some sedentary activity between the running, skiing, climbing and falling over, I had to research what was on offer. You know, make sure it can do the job.
My not-very-old Brother machine is out of favour. I was seduced by its fancy pink finish, not so much for the colour, but the £50 discount it attracted because it was the previous year’s model. Hey, I’m last century’s model so what do I care? But within a few months, the damned thing started beeping and bipping at me, throwing up more error messages than Windows Vista. It’s all very well having clever clogs electronics, but an E6 error message on your poncy pink panel brings the whole damned thing to a dead stop and it doesn’t get my skirt finished. A quick check on the interweb, that repository of all the gripes in the world, found a chorus of Brother disapproval, we all had E6 errors and short of stripping the machines down or doing the whole Windows shut-it-down-and-start-it-up-again-and-hope-for-the-best thing, it was a trip to the man who charged £40 a time to make it better. When this happened for a third time, I decided to cut my losses. Suddenly my £50 pink-themed saving seemed not such a bargain after all.
My lovely new machine, complete with box for the cat and not a pink filigree in sight, got off on the right foot, it boasted that it did running stitch, now that’s my kind of stitch. Like me, it goes from slow to not-quite-as-slow, it lengthens and shortens its stride and it can be done in all kinds of colours, it even stops for a rest every now and then, though I can’t find the ‘coffee’ setting. It must be there somewhere on the flashy LCD panel, though there’s no way I’m reading the manual, that would be to admit defeat.
As well as running stitches, there’s hill stitches, well they look like hills and if I do hills, I can put it on my training calendar as completed. Yes, the Janome, other than having a name that sounds like a toilet cleaner, is my kind of sporty stitcher. So all I have to do now is work out how to follow the sewing pattern, which if my prowess at map-reading and navigation is anything to go by, could produce an interesting garment…..