We were poor, us. Not the no-food-on-the-table type of poverty, we never went hungry, well only when there was cauliflower and cabbage on the plate. More of a wearing hand-me-downs and playing with empty boxes, pretending they were dolls houses. Eee, we were poor, but we were ‘appy.
Well, mostly happy. There was one thing missing from my life, one thing that would have made me personally richer, that would have helped me hold my head high, that would have given me all I needed to have a three-letter user name to log on to the computer, I longed for a middle name.
All my friends had one, my parents had one, the cat had two, for heaven’s sake, Hamish Andrea Colin McCat, he was a rum one, that cat, with a bit of an identity crisis. But me? No, just a monosyllabic name and that was it. How I longed for a middle name, but there was my birth certificate with no middle name, so that was that.
Then the other night, I had a dream, a very vivid dream, one of those that when you wake up, you continue to live it until there’s that ‘no, wait….I’m not the Queen of England’ moment…’it wasn’t me being crowned’. Of course I didn’t dream I was the new monarch, that would have been silly, the job’s already taken. I dreamed I had a middle name, it was so real, oh deep, deep joy, I was thrilled.
I had to tell Noel, he always appreciates me waking him up mid snore. I was very excited that this middle name miracle had happened while I was asleep. Even more thrilled that it began with an ‘M’, like my mum’s, Mary, except that mine was more noble, more magnificent, mine was Menorah.
Menorah? Asked Noel sleepily. Isn’t that the special candlestick used by Jews at Hanukkah?
My middle name’s a candlestick? A candlestick with seven branches? Anne Candlestick Akers?
Noel mumbled something about ‘go back to sleep Menorah…. it was only a dream..’
A dream? You mean I don’t have a middle name?
Well, I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of making a little addition to my birth certificate and checking out menorah.com to buy a little something to celebrate my new name. The choice was amazing from the glitzy to the schmaltzy where I chose Kentzl the Ceramic Cat from the novelty menorah section. Oy vey, result, I say.