If I'd invented a snowchain that had the potential to save lives by making it safer to drive on snowy, icy roads, I'd give it a damned good name, like Safe Drive, maybe Ice Crusher, perhaps even The Strongest Link. I'd brand it with a logo and colour scheme that says 'trustworthy', 'reliable' and 'safe'.
Our return drive from Switzerland would have benefitted from such a product. After trying for about half an hour to get over the icy road at the col from Schonried, Noel had to admit defeat and retrace his tracks to pick me up at Geneva Airport. The satnav threw some sort of hissy fit, probably sulking over being left in the car for the fortnight it was snowed in at Schonried. Instead of taking us to the lovely, wide snow-free motorway back to the Channel Tunnel, it decided we might like to go the scenic way through the Jura. It did have a point, the Jura is massively beautiful, but the snowy road had more hairpins than a ballerina's chignon and the Volvo announced that while it was happy to go up the hill, its descent would have to be sideways. And so it turned out to be.
Noel vowed that for the return trip to Switzerland next month, he'd invest in snowchains. They arrived today. Were they Safe Drive, Ice Crusher or The Strongest Link in sturdy, serious packaging emblazoned with crests, shields and tick marks announcing that they Meet The Highest Safety Standards? No, they weren't. The orange packaging, which I think will make rather a nice handbag, comes branded with the name Clack and Go. Clack and Go? Shouldn't that be the name for a breakfast takeaway, or an updated version of the 1970s playground craze for pairs of plastic balls held together with cord? Come one, guys. Clack and Go – I ask you.