The Alpine bookfest

I counted ten books plus maps and guidebooks. There would have been fewer, but we were lured by an evil force into both Borders and Waterstones and hypnotised by a bibliophile into buying an obscene amount of reading material. I have no idea how that happened, we got home and found we had a carrier bag each full of books.

The peevish economy airlines charge about £100 for every gramme over the weight allowance and as they've not started weighing passengers with their luggage yet (that would scare a few folk we've met on planes whose fat spilled over into our seats) I plan to tape them to my body with duct tape, which will have the added advantage that we can re-use it for all those emergencies where only tape will do.

We'd already planned to wear our rigid boots and duct tape cardboard around the sides of the crampons so they look like platform soles. Noel is going to wind the rope around his middle. I'm going to cover the laptop in fabric and tape it tol my head so it looks like a fashionable hat and Noel wlll have the ice axes down his sleeves. It's going to be a l-o-n-g journey. Good job we've got something to read.

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